lalita larking

An obsession with cryptic crosswords. Everything else falls in place.

Location: Kolkata, India

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

One thing I ask

I know we spoke only a little while ago, but I haven't said all I wanted to. I never do, when we talk. I am writing because it is very important to me that you understand. Please keep your promise.

Promise me, I said. I knew my voice was breaking, I'd cry in a moment. And what if I don't, you asked. I heard the laugh in the voice, and could picture the smile. You will promise and keep the promise, but you can't stop teasing, can you?

It is not much I am asking for, am I? A few minutes of togetherness, just you and me; I am not demanding more, after all. Even this demand springs from our history, you know that.

We have years of history, after all. The years you toiled and I fretted about you, the days we spent worrying about each other, the few glorious times when we were together; they all shape this plea.

My shame and yours; my tragedies, yours; we couldn't stop talking those days, remember? You healed me; I like to think I healed you, too. You made me feel cherished and special. We only knew each other online, but we knew each other.

But of course, life intervenes. We are not meant to be together. Neither of us minds it, really, because what we have is different, special and precious.

I remember my first glimpse of you. I knew it was you, you sent me pictures. You were scanning the street and looked so young and vulnerable and adorable. Our eyes met because I stared pointedly at you, then I gestured, come into my parlour. I admired you walking, crossing the street and fell in love when you held open a door a doorman already did.

Just once, you know? I want us to be together. So I can rest my cheek on your shoulder. So I can feel your arms wrapping me in a hug. So I can feel your breath fan my face and I can reach up and pat your cheek or plant a kiss on that incredibly beautiful mouth. So I can cry and have safe haven of your embrace to do so.

Our lives are parallel lines, but let's meet at the seeming horizon once. I need you now.


Blogger Guruprasad said...

god! how can a person put in so much angst and anguish in words? nuless you lived through each of those moments and tears that you describe here?

i don't want to sully this post by saying things like 'loved reading your post' or 'amazing' or anything. just suffice to say 'i'm all shook up'!

1:07 pm  
Blogger Ela said...

you certainly do have the power with words...and seem to enjoy it shake people completely and make them stand naked before you, shivering with emotions!

3:15 pm  
Blogger dipali said...

Brought tears to my eyes, Lali, it was so beautiful and so poignant.

6:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
O, how shall summer's honey breath hold out
Against the wreckful siege of battering days,
When rocks impregnable are not so stout,
Nor gates of steel so strong, but Time decays?

My best wishes, lady. Be well. Do give me your number now.

Secret admirer

10:12 pm  
Blogger Priya said...

Awesome, babe.

1:49 pm  
Blogger Kshama said...

Words dont fail. Its a touching post. Wishing horizons meet.

2:14 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Guruprasad- It is letter fiction and a command performance at that. But thank you for saying you're all shook up. It made my day.

Ela- Actually I thought it was a very lame effort. But yes, I do try to address emotions rather than intellect when I do these letter snippets. Thank you.

Dipali- As always, Lady, as always. I appreciate your presence and am grateful.

Anon- Get another book than the Sonnets to quote from, will you? I will give you my number as soon as you tell me your real name, deal?

Priya- Thanks, angel. Talk to the fairy, and get in touch, okay?

Kshama- Umm. Words don't fail? But Kshama, the thing about parallel lines is that they never meet, however it may seem they do at a distant horizon.

9:53 pm  
Anonymous Prophet of Doom said...

Wow, you call that a lame effort ? Surely the dictionary must have the definition of "lame" wrong !

8:02 am  
Blogger Kshama said...

Lalitha- Hmm. Your weave cryptic words in a wonderful manner to convey emotions or essence of the moment. So, words dont fail with Lalita or is it other way!!!

You dont stand bad grammar is it?I often end up thinking more for right words even for commenting in your blog :)

Meeting of parallel lines is an illusion, even in horizon :(

9:55 am  
Blogger ~nm said...

It was so intense..yet so beautiful! First time here and simply loved reading it. I could feel the pain..have felt it myself too..but I could have never described it so well..! never..

4:26 pm  
Anonymous Ash said...

I didn't expect you to post so soon again. What a powerful post, it churned me up. And you say it was a command performance, damn!

I am holding back a quote I think you will know and recognize, about lamps and deafness and trying to locate the star arundhati.

How about the rest of the virgins, eh?

11:29 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Prophet of Doom- Ram, we must own different dictionaries, alas. But thank you.

Kshama- I fail quite often with words, really, but it was nice of you. True, I get irritated by bad grammar, it only reduces the effectiveness of whatever point a person is trying to prove. And dear Kshama, all you need is words to comment, not right words. I appreciate every single comment I receive, it is a validation of my blogging.

~nm- Hey that was a nice thing to say. Thanks. Almost you inspire me to do post another poem, too.

Ash- pogaalamu daapurinchina, right? I am not sure if your aren't confusing two different padyams. Won't listen to well-wishers' advice, can't spot the star arundhati, and can't inhale the fragrance of camphor burnt for their sake in their name. It's not that bad yet.

I don't like the stories of the other Kanyas, okay? Stop nagging about them because I won't ever write about Sita, Mandodari and/or Draupadi or Kunti. Another mush post coming up, though. So there!

9:51 pm  
Blogger Shirsha said...

I smile in the knowing of similar desparation. I smile in the knowing that I can never put my desparation into words the way you put yours. I smile and sigh that most of us are parallel lines. Perhaps its better... after all if we did meet, one of us wud've bent, and not remained the same...

10:03 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what to write, therefore the blanks.
I'll call you call the time, I swear.

1:44 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Shirsha- You could put it in words just as well, I think, judging by the comment. One of us would have changed, isn't that the story, sigh.

Ojos-de-Cielo- Hi there and welcome. It is enough that you read, my favourite cherub, it is enough.

Do call once in a while though, it is instructive to talk to your age group. You make me feel humble.

8:15 pm  

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