lalita larking

An obsession with cryptic crosswords. Everything else falls in place.

Location: Kolkata, India

Monday, January 07, 2008

One last sane moment

This is goodbye.

No, it is not what you think. I rather like you, and that's why. I am afraid I will fall in love with you. You won't like that.

There is resonance and there is so much similarity it is scary. I can see myself falling in love with you.

My love is a grasping clinging all-pervasive thing. I'd get insecure if you so much as looked at another. My love and my world will be so full of you that there'd be no room for others, but I know you can't love me in the same way. You will talk to others, you will have a life beyond me, somebody will mention your name and I will get insanely jealous.

And neither of us wants that.

I will love you to the extent that my own self is subsumed in my love for you. That can be rather exhausting and you will chafe.

So I am stopping before I can get to those stages of devotion, longing and madness. I am quitting before you feel claustrophobic and shackled, before you will resent me and my helpless adoration. Because I am scared.

Escape while you can.


Blogger TheQuark said...

Dil-e-naadaan tujhe hua kya hai
Aakhir is dard ki dawa kya hai

Hum hain mushtaq aur wo bezaar
Ya ilahi ye majra kya hai

(Mushtaq = Ardent, eager, interested
Ya Ilahi = O God
Bezaar = Disgusted, Displeased, Out Of Humor, Sick of
Majra = affair, event, matter

Humko unse wafa ki hai ummeed
Jo nahi jante wafa kya hai

Brilliant words by Mirza Asadullah Khan 'Ghalib'. Though Jagjit Singh has sung many ghazals of him, this one I prefer to hear in Ustad Mehdi Hassan's voice.

9:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Secret admirer

10:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oo.. thats an open letter from me to u ;)!

ohh my!! I completely lov this...

10:55 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Quark- I agree. Lovely words.

Anon- That's what you think!

v_h- Oh. Thank you.

9:09 am  
Anonymous Raj said...


Bumped into our blog via a search for the Syama Shastri varnam ( Saminee Ramannave - Anandabhairavi). Your blogpost on that at was interesting. I was wondering if I can ask you for a copy of your rendering so that I can learn it myself.


Ravi (

5:00 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Ravi- I don't have a recording of it, and I don't play these days. But I can send you the notation if you tell me what conventions you use.

8:43 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very well expressed article! Loved it completely.

Keep writing!

4:38 pm  
Blogger Lalita said...

Anon- Thank you.

9:38 pm  

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