First kiss me, Kate, and we will.

A kiss has been called the rosy dot over the i of loving; a thing of no use to one, but prized by two.

It's been defined pedantically as the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction. Slightly more charitably, it's been defined as a contraction of the mouth due to enlargement of the heart.

Wits have described a kiss as 'a course of procedure, cunningly devised for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous'; as 'lip service to love'.

It's been celebrated, eulogised, enshrined in literature and on celluloid. Naturally, since statement of amorous intent and either enthusiastic endorsement or uncomfortable wriggling out of the situation and rejection of the said intent all start with a kiss.

Everybody remembers the first romantic kiss they shared; not the elderly aunts and geriatric relatives bussing one nor the numerous chuckings of one's chin or the kisses one's parents bestow. The first real kiss is never forgotten.

My first had rubber lips and a wet mouth. He slobbered like a large friendly dog. I remember thinking, 'So this is kissing? Yuck'. But I remember it and what I wore that day, too.

The first kiss is always something of a disappointment for girls who grew up reading romantic novels (in my time, we used to read them for the heavy petting scenes or the occasional, daring 'all the way' descriptions which were actually coy and sanitised), for girls who think a kiss is an invitation to explore possibilities rather than an assault on one's lips and an unwelcome interlude of tonsil-hockey...

To digress a little, the atmosphere in the romance literature has hotted up a lot since I was a member of RaviRaj library. There used to be heavy petting scenes when the heroine suddenly comes to her senses and disengages, usually because the hero is an inappropriate person for her to fall in love with. Nowadays, the heroines go all the way, sultrily encouraging the heroes and initiating variations on the theme. Nowadays, they are either divorced or single parents, there are no innocent virgins, they have casual sex and even in the young-adult genres, they have sex. But they have safe sex. :D

They still have issues to be resolved before they can be united as a couple though, but they don't stop at a heavy moment and say things like: 'this is wrong', 'you should stop now', 'this is not right' in the heroine's case; or 'I can't torture myself any longer', 'tell me to stop now or I won't be responsible for what happens next', 'you know you are driving me wild, don't you?' in the hero's case.

But, to get back to my point:

The female of our species has better references and a better idea about how a kiss ought to go, unlike the males. Boys don't have a clue because they haven't read the right books, and watched porn instead. Girls read Mills & Boon, or Silhouette romances and get a romantic and soft porn version of how seduction ought to begin.

Girls have a different idea about kissing. Whether inspired by contemporary romantic literature or not, they know how it ought to start and/or go on. Boys, I think, especially in these days of Internet and easy access to porn, get their ideas about what an amorous encounter starts with from misleading sources. My personal theory is that young men watch too much porn and young women read too much romance; so the twain clash.

Screen couples kiss with mouths wide open and tongues stuck out, because they are doing it to convey passion and intensity to a camera; real life kisses don't, shouldn't start with an open mouth and a stabbing assault by tongue.

Kissing has been dismissed as nose-rubbing among the civilised, but noses do get in the way. Likewise glasses worn by either of the couple. But there is something infinitely sexy about a bespectacled guy removing his glasses and reaching for you that makes you go weak at knees and tremble.

On reading Rimi's rant, I felt it is my duty to speak up on behalf of young men. Like most women, I agree with her summary of how young men go about getting ardent. Most of them. But, dear girl, the best fun is to be had teaching an ignorant young man a better way to kiss. They may be deficient, but they are willing to learn. :D


Cheers!