lalita larking

An obsession with cryptic crosswords. Everything else falls in place.

Location: Kolkata, India

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Above rubies

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31.10

Perhaps that's why men patronise the" ladies of negotiable affection" who trade in" reasonably priced love." A good woman comes with large price tag; for a virtuous woman that doubles.

That price is love and commitment. Yes. The C word.

Virtue, dear reader, is not ever, ought never to be equated with virginity. Virtue in the biblical sense is something entirely different. Indeed, virtue means righteous living rather than confessing your amorous escapades to your priest as a matter of weekly repentance.

Folks who belong to the religion have a lovely set of vows to take in front of a congregation assembled to celebrate the wedding of a willing couple. The congregation also serves as witness for the vows exchanged.

Such vows!

With this ring I thee wed, all my love I do thee give; with all my worldly goods I thee endow, with my body I thee worship; to love, honour and cherish; forsaking all others and holding only to one.

Promising all this in front of an audience is binding. You also promise the marriage is forever. You promise that you are united in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse until death do you apart. No wanting out when the going gets tough. Commitment of this kind with witnesses tends to have more weight than a registered marriage in a civil ceremony.

Think about it. In Hindu marriages, and I shudder to think that you will immediately think HAHK( it is not representative of rituals elsewhere in India), the promise and commitment is a great deal higher.

The seven steps a bridegroom guides his bride around the altar are clearly expressed hopes for food, strength, piety, progeny, wealth, comfort and health. To be striven for and savoured as they come.

High maintenance or not, a woman who promises to be there for you through and through will be worth the investment, whether in rubies (opals in my case , I am a sucker for opals) or equivalent worldly goods.

I have been musing about the C word, as several of my young friends have been venting at me, both for against it. A young man admires the commitment of a girl to her boyfriend, a young woman ranting at the balking of her guy to state his intentions clearly, a friend contemplating walking out of a marriage where love has died... I don't have pearls of wisdom for any of them, but I can listen and think.

As a woman with a couple of decades of wedded bliss under her belt, I want to say commitment to a relationship is a sacred thing. For me, at least. If a girl is committed to her guy, she should not send out signals of interest to others. If a guy doesn't want the whole package, he ought to make his intentions clear. If a marriage has gone stale, both partners should work to liven it up again. You have all invested time, energy and emotion into it so far, so why quit now?

Silly old me, I believe in the vows. I believe a promise once made should be kept.



Anonymous Badari Narayanan said...

Too straightlaced for many - but do not say 'silly old me' for I too concur with these views but do not want to be described as a 'silly old man's views.' :)

9:27 pm  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

What can I say, Badari, I am after all a woman of certain age. People seem so young and floundering in their relationships nowadays. It is a bit pathetic.

9:45 pm  
Blogger Siva Sivaaa said...

Heya. Another nice post! But I think I'm a bit too young to get the message ;-)

P.S->I'm squeezed by work at this moment. Will post soon!! Keep watchin!

11:26 pm  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

Thanks, You bet I will be, ruff.:D

11:33 pm  

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