Virgin no more

It was a major moment for Rick Delanty.

The first African-American astronaut, wondering if he was chosen for his race rather than ability, in Niven and Pournelle's excellent 'what if' novel: Lucifer's Hammer, about comet strike and how Earth might cope with the aftermath.

First to match completely with Hammerlab: Fire the Apollo's attitude jets in just the precise pattern, so that it would tumble with the target. Then move closer to the thing, waiting for the chance, until the big docking probe on Apollo could enter the matching hole in the end of Hammerlab…and they were in darkness again. Rick was amazed at how long it had taken him to fly what looked like far less than a mile. Of course they'd also come 14,000 miles in the same fifty minutes…

When dawn came Rick was ready, and made one pass, and a second, and cursed, and eased forward and felt the slight contact of the two ships, and the instruments showed contact at the center, and Rick drove forward, hard…

"Virgin no more!" he shouted.

"Houston, this is Apollo. We have docking. I say again, we have docking," Baker said.

"We know," a dry voice said from below. "Colonel Delanty's mike was live."

Doing anything the first time is scary. Whether it is deciding to learn to play veena or blogging it requires a kind of mental diving off the highest board and trusting to luck. I felt like a virgin when I first ventured upon the seas of blogosphere. I felt like a virgin when I tackled my first cryptic crossword, too, for that matter.

Beginning a sex-life is equally perturbing.

In my younger days it was taken for granted that 'good' boys and girls did not fool around and have sex. They waited to be safely married to people chosen by family elders and that was that, mostly. Your exploration of your own sexuality began and ended there; in your marriage. Theoretically, at least.

Nowadays things are different. Young people seem to indulge in fornication more casually and without a thought towards matrimony, if you believe the media. But I have a fair number of young friends and all of them agonise about sex. Most of them are desperate to shed their status as virgins, a few notable others are trying to cling to their virginity as a badge.

It is a bigger deal for women, of course. Or, it used to be. I don't want to do a Khushboo, but she had it right, I am certain.

A young friend of mine, who wishes to remain anonymous, had this to say in his blog (which is invitation only, but he gave me permission to quote him).

At twenty-four, I am still a virgin. I am not sure whether to feel proud or low about it. Guys in school are featuring on explicit MMS, and I am still lamenting my virginity! I feel like a loser when I read about scandals in schools. I cry foul, why do they get all the action? What is wrong with me? I even look better than those guys; what do I lack? Don't the girls have any taste?

He says he chooses to remain a virgin and reasons thusly:

Why should I feel low about it when I can make a virtue out of it. I can say the following:

I need to connect intellectually with the person before I have sex, and I can't sell myself short to just anyone who is willing.

I owe it to my wife .My wife deserves a *pure* husband. It is a sacrifice I am making for her.

Virginity will be the gift to the person I love .I am not an animal ready to sow its seed at every moment.

I have my rules, my values and my culture. I won't ape what others do.

Of course, he then spoils it all by saying that lack of opportunity plays a large part in virgins remaining virgins. He wonders if he had a chance to shed his virginity with a person he truly liked and desired, if he would still choose to remain a virgin.

Young people don't have privacy to indulge in amorous adventures in our country, for the most part. They have to sneak a few snogs in parks and be harassed by cops, heckled by hooligans and branded as promiscuous if they exchange a kiss in a discotheque. In such a moral climate, there is not much chance for them to shed their virginity in anything but a furtive fashion. How many young people can bring their significant others home and close the door of their room without their parents pitching a fit? How many young people have a room of their own, even?

Either way, philosophy always comes to your rescue. If I give in to my hormones, I can say that virginity is a state of mind and sex is the next big step in personal growth. I will always have words to justify my deeds, or the lack of it. (I will write later on the abuse of philosophy).

Till then let me be proud of being a virgin! One day, I will know if it was just pretence.

Shedding one's virginity is no joke. I sympathise with my young friend. I admire his honesty too, as he admits that he might choose to get deflowered before he is nicely and properly married. But I note that he says his virginity is a gift to a person he loves rather than a pesky formality to get through as he sows his wild oats.

I am not sure what young people think about the whole virginity issue, frankly. Media make it sound like they are emulating rabbits, sparrows and squirrels, but if that was the case, why would my young friend write as he did? Or the others, who are contemplating and debating the plunge, be so ambivalent about it?

Men have a need to spread their genes far and wide, and women have a need to find the best possible father for their children; it is mostly subconscious, but it is hard-wired, built into us.
But I must say most young people I know are a cautious lot, and are treating the first step into sexual adulthood as a major event, to be carefully thought out, as much as their careers and future plans are.


Cheers!