lalita larking

An obsession with cryptic crosswords. Everything else falls in place.

Location: Kolkata, India

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none

Give me your trust said the Aes Sedai.
On my shoulders I support the sky.
Trust me to know and do what is best,
And I will take care of the rest.
But trust is the color of a dark seed growing.
Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing.
Trust is the color of a soul's last breath.
Trust is the color of death.

Give me your trust said the queen on her throne,
for I must bear the burden all alone.
Trust me to lead and to judge and rule,
and no man will think you a fool.
But trust is the sound of the grave-dog's bark.
Trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark.
Trust is the sound of a soul's last breath.
Trust is the sound of death.

Lord of Chaos. Robert Jordan, Book Six of the Wheel of Time

When we are young, we believe everything we are told, mostly. We trust our parents implicitly, know that they always mean well and want the best for us. Our world is explained through them, and we take our world-view from them. But at some point we begin to question, realising that our parents might not know everything, and that they are not always right. But that trust in them remains.

We trust our families to stand by us. We trust our best friends with our deepest darkest secrets. We trust our spouses to cherish us and bestow our hearts to them. We trust that a good brand name assures us of quality; that a doctor knows how to treat our maladies; that we aren't getting short-changed by shopkeepers.

We trust a lot of things. We trust pilots we don't know with our lives. We trust elevators and machinery.

I am finding that being so trustful isn't as easy as it used to be, as I grow older. If trust is certainty based on past experience, the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others, complete confidence in a person or plan, it requires affirmation to continue. Once is all needed for trust to stop being utter belief and faith in a thing.

When I was young a doctor was a godlike person. His word was divine commandment. Nowadays I wonder about his competence and if he is fully abreast of medical advancements. All it took was one doctor making an ill-judged decision.

When I was young I'd have thought nothing of trusting that a young man with his new bike knew how to control his mean machine. It wouldn't have occurred to me to worry that there might be an accident. I loved going for wild rides. Full speed on and whiz down the Marina, yeah! Or longer rides, with the wind blowing my hair and my delighted screams away until I had to shout into my buddy's ears. Now, I worry about the skill of the driver whenever I get into a taxi. I wonder if I will reach home in one piece. All it took was one minor mishap.

When I was young I took what anyone said as truth. Now I wonder what undercurrents there are in the statement, what is left unsaid?

Trust between two people is a fragile thing. You trust that your spouse is faithful. All it takes is one doubt, and that trust is tainted with nagging suspicions. And once broken, trust can never be fully restored. There will always be reservations.

There are some things you can take on trust, though. I was casting about for a title for this post, and failing to come up with my own, fell back on that evergreen option, Shakespeare. He delivered.

The Bard always provides the apt quote, trust me on this.



Anonymous Ash said...

The speech of the Countess.
But who betrayed your trust, Lali? This is a slightly melancholic piece.

3:56 pm  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

Nobody, Ash. I was just musing. Yeah, All's Well That Ends Well.

6:58 pm  
Blogger abhorigine said...

I know a dear friend who could never bear to be within touching distance of her partner after he betrayed her trust. They lived apart for years, giving professional reasons for the separation--his work and hers taking them to different places--not telling a soul about it, for fear of making dear ones miserable. It all ended when he decided to move out, his latest conquest insisting on it. Yes, trust once broken, cannot be mended. All does not always end well.

8:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Couldn't help but comment on what you wrote about "trust". BTW Lali, I love reading your posts, just adds color to my dry and hectic days and reminds me of Kolkata.

I agree all does not always end well.. have seen this happening too many times with spouses...have seen too many people around with broken vows... makes me wonder what goes so wrong in a relationship between two people who couldn't bear to be apart from each other some months..some years back and now they are not even talking to each other. Its all in that precious word TRUST.

10:25 pm  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

Ram- Yes folks, introducing another Ram (what to do, there are only so many names to go around), yeah, all does not always ends well and there is acrimony where there used to be harmony. Trust in general is also a thing that seems to be precious rare.

Anon- Read above comment and my reply. To quote Yeats, who has been on my mind thanks to a crossword, 'things fall apart, the centre cannot hold.' Circumstances change, and trust quotient changes too.

10:59 pm  
Anonymous Prophet of Doom said...

@ Lalita:

Nice post ..

And once broken, trust can never be fully restored ... Agree wholly .. Take a look at one of my earlier posts here

11:04 am  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

I read your dish theory. I do read your blog, you know, when you deign to post, that is. You are right that some people prefer to walk away than try and mend the relationship. Perhaps that depends on how badly the trust was abused.

12:53 pm  
Blogger Priya said...

Hey Lali, trust you to write on this! Love all, indeed. And thanks for your support. Trying hard to get back to normal.

1:12 pm  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

Priya- What are friends for, you silly girl? Things will get back to normal, trust me on this. :)

2:06 pm  

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