Thinking of you
Compose Mail, urges Gmail. As if it is so easy.
I need a reason to write, don't I? The to: field is easy, you know? I only have to type the first letter of your name, and Gmail helpfully offers to complete it. It even suggests others whose names begin with the same letter, whom I might want to write to. No thanks I say, I want to write to you; and you alone.
The subject field presents problems, though. I don't like to leave it blank. But just how many ways can I say 'simply', 'because', 'just like that', 'yunhi', 'summa', 'uTTinE'? That I am writing because I am thinking of you?
I think of it as writing letters, when I should be thinking of it as mailing. Other people write short notes; one-sentence mails with no salutations or taking leave. I tend to say 'dear so and so' and ramble in several paragraphs and take leave carefully. Mailing is short if not always sweet, and to the point. My writing to you has no point other than I want to write to you, to connect again and make sure you are still there. It is just seeking confirmation.
But, why should I be thinking of you? Why do you stick around in my head? You are my latest obsession, that is why. I write these letters mails whatever, some three or four a day, simply because I am thinking of you.
I once had an interesting discussion if we repeat our idiocies in love. If you squirt the letters with perfume, or kiss the envelop before you post it, do you repeat such things when you fall in love again, when the mere recollection of it makes you cringe in chagrin and pity at the idiot you were then? Not that anybody does such things in these days of emails and text messages, but do you repeat jokes or puns you perpetrate? Do you say the same things to the next love? Do you quote the same poets and the same lines?
I was shocked to even think of such a thing. How can you say the same thing to two persons? Yes, you are enamoured but they aren't the same people, so how can you use the same words? It is an insult to both of them to recycle things said.
My obsession with you is new, so why would I say what I said to another? You are not that person. The equation is different, our common ground is different, and I am not the same person I was when I obsessed about the other. That was then, this is now. I have fresh words for you, surely?
Anyway, I am writing now because I have this brilliant idea.
In the subject field I will type 'thinking of you' and I will change my signature to state -- Yours in obsession. And hit the send button. Every time I feel this urge to write to you. That says it all, doesn't it? I won't even have to type the subject again, the first couple of letters and Gmail helpfully fills in the rest.
What do you think?